


Why

by sktrgrl13



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Natsu Dragneel, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Supportive Erza Scarlet, The Could Have Been, gratsubingo2019, sharing memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 16:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19931053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sktrgrl13/pseuds/sktrgrl13
Summary: Why? That was the only question that he was able to ask...he couldn't understand as much as he couldn't say goodbye. After all, no matter how much they fought, he was still his brother.





	Why

**Author's Note:**

> This a rewrite and a 'what if' scenario for what if Natsu and Gray's combined attack didn't work against Mard Geer -- what if Gray saw no way out and had to default to Iced Shell in the end.
> 
> This was also loosely inspired by the song 'Why' by Rascal Flatts
> 
> Struggled with the end a bit, but it was the best I could do -- I hope you enjoy!

He was confused.

He was angry.

But most of all he was hurt.

No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't understand why he did it. 

Natsu found himself sitting on the slowly yellowing grass; a light autumn wind blowing through his pink hair. He stared blankly at the remnants of the river that used to ebb and flow behind the proud Guild Hall. The majority of his memories rested at this very bank; it was where he found inspiration for his goals, where he got stronger, and where he met his truest rival and closest friend. 

Natsu curled his warm fingers into the grass; subconsciously fighting the fire that threatened to rage out of control. As Lucy had repeatedly been telling him, autumn was not the time of year where a fire could rage out of control without devastating repercussions; whatever that meant. But he could see why she and, by extension, the others would be worried. It had been a long, long time since he had ever been this devastated.

He had thought that he would never have to face something like this again.

He fought so hard to keep his family safe; yet, he inevitably failed.

He closed his eyes and breathed the clean, slightly frosty air through his sensitive nose. Sometimes, if he tried hard enough he could still catch the scent that used to follow Him around. It was like He had never left.

Natsu thought that He had managed to escape the Darkness that seemed to engulf His entire being, His entire life, but apparently he was wrong. It looked as if He couldn't see the light that was reaching for him; trying to guide him through the snow. 

He should've known...and he was sure that He  _ did _ .

Gray  _ knew _ that everyone in Fairy Tail was there for him.

He  _ knew  _ that they were His family and would protect Him from anything.

It was because of this that He had given anything in His power to keep all of them safe. 

Natsu flinched at the thought, and tried to push himself away from a territory he was trying to avoid, but he wasn't able to. Gray stubbornly refused to leave his thoughts alone...just as always.

Only this time, Natsu couldn't solve it by seeking him out and fighting him. He couldn't get in Gray's face and demand that he spill whatever was bothering him. Never again. And if the perpetual silence of the Guild was anything to go by, they were starting to realise that too.

He was willing to bet that Gray never wanted his sacrifice to draw this much attention. 

It was obvious that unless he was fighting, the raven didn't like to have much attention on him. He preferred to stand in the distance and watch over his family. He would hover in the background and watch over Cana so she didn't drink too much or lounge at the bar and have pointless conversations with Mira if she seemed especially lonely or down. 

The only time he would ever be in spotlight was if Lucy or someone else called attention to his uncontrollable stripping habit or he was actively (trying not to) destroying the Guild with Natsu, Gajeel and anyone else who managed to get dragged into the free-for-all.

Natsu chuckled under his breath as countless memories swamped his already tumultuous mind. There were so many times that Natsu and Gray were at odds during those brawls, but when they were on the same side...it was no wonder that they were considered to be two members of Fairy Tail's strongest team. It didn't take long for the fond memories to be tinged with sadness as a choked sob managed to break through his fiery walls. Natsu wasn't one for hiding his emotions, in fact it was proven that his emotions were always on and always at their highest intensity.

But that was something Gray was good at.

He was always the one to don a mask and hide his feelings; sometimes even at the expense of himself. Everyone in Fairy Tail have their own masks that they use to hide their inner Darkness, but none have been more effective than that of Gray Fullbuster. No one in Fairy Tail had any idea of the past that haunted Gray for all these years.

If it weren't for the mission on Galuna Island, he wouldn't have known about any of it either.

Ur or Lyon or Deliora...the ice mage was just that good at hiding his emotions. He had thought that they'd had some sort of understanding, that he had managed to get through to Gray, but maybe he was wrong.

He couldn't help but think that if he was truly able to burn through Gray's frozen heart, he would've been able to do something, anything, to stop him from sacrificing himself. Natsu growled under his breath as he inevitably tore the helpless blades of grass out of the ground and threw it into the wind. Which definitely had to be better than him bursting into uncontrollable flames like he wanted.

Gray promised that he would never use that spell again.

He  _ promised _ to walk a path where he could live with his comrades.

It was just like the scaredy cat popsicle to run away and leave everyone behind!

Natsu closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to his knees and gasped as he struggled to gather air into his lungs. Who was he trying to kid?

Gray was never like that.

He didn't run away and that was the problem here.

He could run away from his problems, but when it came to running from a fight, there was no way. Gray was never one to walk away in the middle of a battle, especially if that battle threatened to harm the only family that he had left. The ice princess was never going to run.

He sniffled as tears threatened to escape; damn that ice block for doing this to him.

They were brothers...they had each other's back...now he couldn't help but feel vulnerable. As if he was missing a limb or a part of him that had once been there. An important one that he used to rely on in order to live.

"Natsu."�

The pinkette jumped to his feet and instinctively bowed into a fighting stance with his hands clenched into tight fists. It only took a moment longer for him to register the familiarity of the strained yet comforting voice of Erza Scarlet. It's been a long time since someone was able to sneak up on him; even if that person was Erza.

Usually he could hear the sound of her armour moments before she made her appearance; that is, of course, if he wasn't distracted by a certain exhibitionist. His hands twitched as Gray once again found a way to invade his mind, but forced himself to slowly unfurl his fists. He took a deep breath and slowly lowered himself to the ground once more; his eyes focused solely on the waterless river. 

"You know better than to disappear like that," She scolded softly; the light clanking of her armour resounding in his ears as she came to a stop behind him.

"I know," He cut her off; scowling to himself as he draped his forearms over his knees and rested his chin on them, "But...I had to get away, you know?"�

She hummed to herself and placed a firm hand on his shoulder,

"I understand that, but you could've at least told Happy where you went; he's worried sick."�

Natsu bit his lip guiltily and trained his eyes on the river once more. He wouldn't be the first to admit it, but he was tired. He hadn't had a true night's rest since that day. That day, he lost his rival, his friend and his brother; he lost a part of himself that he would never get back. Clouds danced across the autumn sky as Erza spoke softly.

"When I think about him, I find myself thinking back to when he was nine years old."�

The pinkette frowned in curiosity as he finally managed to tear his eyes away from his own memories. He glanced up at the towering red-head,

"What do you mean Erza?"�

She tilted her head to the side for a moment and folded her arms across her chest. She tapped her biceps with the tips of her fingers in an unfamiliar and inconsistent rhythm.

"Have I ever told you how Gray and I became friends?"�

Natsu blinked owlishly at the sudden question and thought back to all the time he spent at Fairy Tail only to realize that he never  _ did  _ learn how Erza and Gray became friends. When they were young he only cared about two things: finding Igneel and getting stronger. Though, he eventually added Lisanna, Happy and the other members of Fairy Tail to that list.

By then, he just assumed that Erza and Gray had always been friends. 

He eventually shook his head slowly and stared up at his surrogate older sister curiously.

"It happened right here at this river," She smiled fondly; her fingertips keeping up the constant rhythm, "actually when we first met, I only saw him as an annoyingly loud pervert who wouldn't leave me alone."�

"Gray, a pervert? Who would've guessed?" Natsu joked weakly; a smile of his own gracing his lips as the images of a young Gray and Erza floated across his mind, "Good to know he hadn't really changed by the time I met him."�

The red-head's bottom lip seemed to twitch at the comment; as if she was trying to fight back a laugh. She shrugged her shoulders unapologetically and finally relaxed her posture enough to drop her hands to her sides.

"That's Gray for you; stupidly boisterous and extremely loyal."�

Natsu grunted in agreement as a calm silence descended upon the two of them. The first one in ages that hasn't been riddled with tension and sadness. For the first time in a long time, Natsu felt as if thinking or even talking about Gray wouldn't be the end of the world.

After a few more moments, Erza slowly lowered herself to the ground and pulled her knees up to her chest. Natsu waited patiently for Erza to collect herself and continue her story. The cold metal of Erza's shoulder armour pressed up against his arm, but he didn't move away from it; it created the ghost of something that he knew that he wouldn't feel again.

"When I first met him,"� Erza began tentatively; her eyes focused on the waterless river in front of them, "He had kicked over my table at the Guild, destroyed my lunch and demanded why I wore armour if I was in a magic guild."�

Natsu baulked at the idea of Gray approaching Erza in such a blunt and straight-forward way; especially given the terror the woman could inflict upon just one glance. Not noticing the disbelief on his face, the red-headed requip mage pushed forward in her story.

" I of course called him a pervert and ignored him. However, that never stopped him from trying to fight me every day; even if I beat him to a bloody pulp."�

The pinkette snorted to himself,

"Yeah, that sounds like Gray alright."�

Erza finally looked away from the river and met Natsu's eyes; a warmth radiating from deep within the brown depths.

"I could never understand him, I mean why would someone want to get beaten every day?"� Erza smirked, "Imagine my surprise when I realised that there were more people exactly like him."�

Natsu clicked his tongue against the rough of his mouth and nudged her playfully,

"You know you love us."�

The dragon slayer froze as the words tumbled out of his mouth; his heart sinking into the pit of his stomach as what he said settled between the two of them. He did it again. He forgot. Natsu clenched his knees in annoyance and scowled;  _ why _ did he keep doing that?

"I do,"� Erza broke through his self-imposed anger; a gentle hand resting on his forearm, "even if all you two do is cause me trouble."�

The dragon slayer chuckled to himself and shook his head fondly; returning the squeeze of reassurance. Another soothing silence descended between the two of them briefly before Erza continued weaving her tale.

"One day, I managed to avoid him completely and came to this river to think about my past and what I could have done to change it; to prevent it from ever happening."�

Natsu squeezed her hand again,

"Erza..."�

"Don't worry Natsu,"� She whispered, "I know now how pointless that was, and it was all thanks to Gray."�

She swallowed before continuing; Natsu could faintly smell the salt from the tears she was trying to hold back,

"While I was feeling sorry for myself Gray, in all his underwear wearing glory, came running down the hill and demanded that I fight him only for him to realize that he had caught me crying."�

Natsu couldn't help but smile ruefully at that; he could only imagine Gray's reaction to something like that. The ice mage was never one to handle girls' tears all too well; it made him awkward and nervous.

"What did he do?"�

Erza sniffled and her voice seemed to catch in her throat,

"He asked me why I was alone all the time. He then called me out in the only way Gray could, by simply stating the obvious, and walked over to me. He sat in front of this very river and told me that he refused to fight me because he couldn't fight a girl when she was crying."�

The dragon slayer squeezed her hand once more and laughed loudly,

"Sounds like the popsicle."�

"Quite,"� The requip mage laughed in return; though more quietly and more fondly, "and it was at that moment that he became the first person, in what felt like ages of loneliness, to open up my armoured heart."�

Natsu turned his eyes from the red-head when he noticed as a tear managed to flow down her cheek. Gray Fullbuster had successfully managed to make Titania Erza, the Queen of the Fairies, cry. How the ice bastard could so willingly give his life without thinking about how it would affect everyone else was beyond him. 

He closed his eyes for a moment before his amber eyes once again landed on the river. Natsu raised one of his hands in front of his face and allowed a ball of fire to erupt onto his palm. More memories of when fire and ice used to clash in an epic dance on a daily basis.

Like they did in Gray's final moments.

"His magic was so beautiful..."� He mumbled absently; the imprint of the massive ice arrow appearing in his mind's eye.

Erza seemed to stiffen from beside him in clear surprise; definitely not used to Natsu being so forward with his compliments about Gray. But it was time that things changed. Gray was gone, and now he would never know what Natsu truly thought.

Even if he liked to think that Gray  _ knew _ .

"What did you say?" She whispered; as if her voice alone would break the moment.

Natsu's shoulders sagged as he rested his forehead against his forearms again. He couldn't believe that it took Gray dying to finally admit aloud that not only was the ice mage's magic beautiful, but powerful as well.

Natsu's own magic was often strengthened by his emotions seeing as they were always so out of control, but Gray's magic was different. Gray was able to use his emotions to push past his 'limits', beat the odds, and defeat an opponent who  _ seemed _ to be stronger than he was; like when he fought Lyon back on Galuna Island.

Like when he saved him from Fukuro at the Tower of Heaven.

Like when he saved Ultear and helped to take down Hades at Tenroujima.

Like when he exacted his vengeance on Rufus in the Grand Magic Games.

Like everything Gray ever did in his life to protect his loved ones.

"He always fought with so much passion,"� He found himself saying; his fists clenching and unclenching restlessly, "No matter who he fought; me, you, Lyon or an enemy he always...he always...well, you know."�

The pinkette flushed at the cheesiness of his words, but before he could do anything, he felt an armoured arm wrap around his shoulder and pull him to the side. He grimaced as his head connected with a familiar metal plate of armour. He was about to complain when he felt drops of water rain down onto his pink hair.

He felt a familiar heat spread to his palms, his emotions threatening to finally overflow, when the cool autumn wind splayed across his skin. He lifted his face off Erza's shoulder as the golden sun broke through the clouds and shone down on the both of them. Despite his tangled thoughts, the sweet sound of mockingbirds singing reached his sensitive ears; it made him think of how the world really wasn't too bad of a place.

It was as if the world was trying to tell them that everything was okay.

Even though it will never be okay again.

"Why?"� He whispered into the silence; his flames finally licking up his forearms as he pushed himself to his feet.

"Natsu?"� Erza stared up at him; apprehension and caution spreading across her face.

"I don't understand,"� He hissed; the flames getting hotter, " _Why_ would he sacrifice himself like that?!"�

" Because he loved us Natsu," She slowly pushed herself to her feet and reached out for him, "He loved us and wanted us to live our lives..."�

The dragon slayer dodged her reach and glared at the ground; as if it were the one to take Gray away from them. But no. In reality, it was Gray himself, and that was even harder for Natsu to accept.

"But what about what _we_ wanted?!"�

Erza stared at him; her mouth hanging open uselessly. Natsu could tell that she wanted to say something, anything, to calm him down. His chest heaved as anger and self-hatred flowed through his veins, he couldn't understand. The red flames licked his forearms as he tried to comprehend why Gray would perform  _ that spell _ in order to save them; in order to save all of them. 

"Natsu,"� She finally said, "I know that you don't understand, none of us will ever truly understand his reasoning; but, we can't judge him or try to find a way to explain it...if any of us were in his position we would've done the same."�

He looked away from her and glanced at the dried up river; his fingers rubbing against his palm reflexively. He knew where she was coming from because yes, if he were in Gray's position he wouldn't have hesitated in giving his life to save his nakama. 

It could've been Gray in his position, wondering why he had given up his life. But it wasn't Gray stuck here, it was  _ Natsu _ and even if it was selfish of him to think so, he couldn't help but be pissed at the fact that Gray had chosen to abandon them.

That was the one  _ burning  _ question that lingered in the forefront of his mind. 

The question that had been eating him up from the moment that Gray cast Iced Shell and sealed the remnants of Mard Geer in a case of impenetrable ice.

"I just want to know..."� He growled in frustration, "I just want to know who told him that his life wasn't worth the fight."�

He pounded his fist into the ground angrily; fire exploding from his fist like a shock wave. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Erza instinctively summon the sword that pairs with her Fire Empress Armour to protect against his out of control flames.

"Natsu,"�

"No Erza!"� Natsu roared and started to pace restlessly, "I'm going to hunt down whoever filled that thick, ice-filled head of his with that crap and beat those bastards to a bloody pulp! They'll regret the day that they ever went against Fairy Tail!"�

Erza sighed deeply and put her sword to her side and raised a placating hand,

"Everything's going to be okay; we'll..."�

"NO!" He repeated; the heat rising exponentially, "NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME!"�

The red head froze; her brown eyes widened in disbelief as his restraint finally broke. His own eyes had finally given into the tears; the salty water spilled down his face like a waterfall. Natsu's flames expanded around him as his emotions took over; the pain, the hate, the anger, the sadness and the  _ hurt _ . 

"He's gone!"� He cried, "He's gone and he's not coming back!"�

His chest heaved as his emotion started to choke him. He was faintly aware of people coming out of the guild hall to see what the shouting was about, but he couldn't bring it in himself to care. He tried to reign in his flames so that he wouldn't unintentionally harm the younger guild members. He couldn't inflict more pain on them when they already felt so much.

"Erza," He swallowed thickly, "he won't come walking into the guild as if he owns it."�

"I know, but..."�

"No Erza, listen!"� He uncharacteristically pleaded, "He, he won't be around for Juvia to faun over and he won't be there to help Mira or give Happy fish."�

He turned away from the requip mage as he noticed that the tears had gathered in her eyes once more. Looks like Gray wasn't the only one to break his promises. His eyes unconsciously shifted to the guild and saw that the congregation of mages were eerily silent as they watched Natsu's meltdown unfold.

"He w-won't be there to keep Loke company when he visits and he won't be there to steal Lucy's stories and read them behind her back. He won't be there drinking with Cana or joking with Macao and Wakaba. He won't be there stripping down to his birthday suit during the most serious of conversations and he won't be there giving you his slice of strawberry cake." 

He closed his eyes and sighed defeatedly,

"No matter what we try to do, nothing will ever bring our brother back to us; _nothing_ will bring my brother back to _me_."�

In a burst of anger and frustration, he finally unleashed his fire. He ran and jumped over the riverbed and sent his inflamed fist flying into the dry terrain; the earth quivering underneath him.

"Gray,"� He whispered as more tears streamed down his face, "It's not like you to walk away..."�

Suddenly the ground rumbled from beneath his feet; he watched in awe as the ground cracked and a spout of water erupted into the air like a water fountain. He was faintly aware of Erza standing stock still beside him; her sniffles barely heard above the sound of the water rising in the once dry riverbed.

Natsu stared in disbelief as the once dead river came back to life. He heard the familiar whispers of his family and he felt as Erza returned to his side; her hand grasping onto his tightly as the flames finally died on his forearms. As if on automatic, Natsu reached under his scarf and clutched the familiar cross-shaped necklace that he had hidden underneath.

He slowly, and gently, removed it from around his neck and held it in his burning palm for a moment before bending at the waist; his hand hovering over the peaceful water. He could feel everyone's eyes on him as he lowered his hand closer and closer to the water. Once his hand was completely submerged, he closed his eyes and unclenched his fist; letting the precious piece of silver sink to the bottom of their childhood place.

After weeks of silence.

After weeks of wishing.

In that moment, he thought that he heard his best friend, his brother, for the first time.

_I'_ _ m sorry Natsu...Erza...everyone at Fairy Tail. I'm sorry that I had to leave you for a bit, but without the proper Fairy Tail send off, I can never truly leave you. _

Natsu smiled softly as the words floated through his mind; even the echoes of Gray's tone sounded just like him. He would hurt. He would continue to hurt. But when Zeref and Acnologia were defeated, it would be worth it.

It just had to be.


End file.
